Deep Thoughts

I saw these on Carly's blog the other day (thanks for sharing...;)), and I couldn't not post them on mine. Too classic.

DEEP THOUGHTS

by Jack Handy

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go. Because, man, they're gone.

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" You can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.

Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.

Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words "mank" and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind.

If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact.

To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started. I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.

If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you - because hey, free dummy.

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someones neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh because, what is that thing?