Lessons

A few of weeks ago, as I was trying to get ready for church and my small 20 pound of a son was being uncooperative as to letting me, I tried to count my blessings. I was unsuccessful.

Later, in our first meeting, there was a poem read about rambunctious sons growing up and turning into wonderful young men... but I missed most of it, because my own rambunctious bundle of joy was throwing a fit (which he is so good at). I again tried to count my blessings... and, again, was unsuccessful.

I know I'm not lacking in blessings - I know what they are; I have many - but I was not happy, and inside, I was blaming it on my son. Because he was being a normal one-year-old. And my husband, being a naturally positive person (most of the time; usually when I'm being the opposite), wasn't helping as he was trying to "help" me relax by telling me what not to do.

I shouldn't have acted the way I did... which is giving everyone the "silent treatment" and shutting everyone out (including my sweet little guy), which is the norm for me when I get angry.

When this happens, I usually try to take a good look at myself and try to discover what I'm doing wrong. The lesson on honesty we had in Relief Society helped with that. It's incredible how much we justify the small things we do each day... a song we listen to because it has "a good beat" though the lyrics are trash. A justification that glutony is ok when it comes to oreos (or anything unhealthy) because "I normally eat healthy." Buying something that's not in the budget because I talk myself into needing it, or it's too cute, or too good of a deal, to pass up.

To be honest, we need to think honestly, which isn't always easy to do. For example, no matter how hard I try to avoid it, gossip always seems to surface somehow, in some form, whether I'm listening to it or contributing.

At the beginning of the year, our ward theme, "The best is yet to come," was announced in ward conference. In conjuction with the theme was the first presidency message in the Ensign, "Looking for the good." We were then asked this: when is the best to come? Could it be today? Are we looking for the good in our every day lives?

In Relief Society that week, a member of the stake presidency spoke to us about looking for the good. The spirit was overwhelming and taught me a lesson I won't soon forget. After the meeting, I found my way to the front and thanked him for his remarks - and told him I was thankful that my husband took our one-year-old son that hour, because I needed to hear what was said. He said, "you're the mother of a one-year-old?" I said, "yes." He then took a post it note from the inside of his binder with a quote written on it. He said, "I didn't use this, but I wrote it down because I felt that someone might need it. Maybe that's you."

"Motherhood is about raising and celebrating the child you have, not the child you thought you would have. It’s about understanding that he is exactly the person he is supposed to be, and if you’re lucky, he might be the teacher who turns you into the person you are supposed to be."

He was right. I did need it. And I knew it was a great quote at the time, but it wasn't until that bad morning, and since, that it has really helped me. I say often that It's a good thing Jack is so cute... because he drives me crazy sometimes. But, I am confident that he will turn me into the person that I am supposed to be if I am patient and work on being the mom he needs me to be. I know it won't be easy, but I think it will be worth it.

Meanwhile, I will do my best to look for the good and focus on the positive, especially in motherhood. I really am blessed... I just need a good reminder sometimes.